May 20, 2006

Living together in harmony

So, you're off to university next year, or perhaps you've been there a year and you're having to move out of halls. You're going to be sharing a house with a bunch of people you vaguely know, at best. You may well be a little anxious about how things will work out; no doubt you've had the same dire warnings I got about people falling out over who pays the phone bill and who buys more or less than their fair share of washing up liquid. Never fear, help is at hand! Follow these top tips, and you'll get on famously with everyone you ever live with...

  1. Don't buy more than you have to. Don't forget, you're an impoverished student. If other people in the house are willing to buy more than their fair share of bread, milk, cheese and loo roll, let them — more fool them, after all. If people start to question whether you're really pulling your weight, stay calm. Have some justification ready, and some "facts" (don't worry about them being genuine!) about just how little bread, milk and loo roll you eat, and they'll not only accept it, but probably feel quite embarrassed that they even asked. They may even buy you presents to make up for the offence caused. You deserve them, don't ever forget how great you are.
  2. Your schedule should be their schedule. A lot of these damned layabout students like to laze about in the mornings, normally muttering something about having worked late the night before to get a coursework assignment done, or perhaps about not getting enough sleep because of the job they hold down to buy all that extra loo roll. Don't listen to them, they really are just lazy scrotes, and they're doing it on purpose. Singing loudly at 8am, or shouting to people 2 floors above you, is perfectly reasonable behaviour — think of it as doing them a favour! However, if they ever dare to make noise after your designated bed time (a very sensible 9:30pm, unless you've been allowed up specially to watch something on TV), you should be sure to let them know just how annoyed you are. Evil stares for a couple of days usually suffice, and once again they will realise your complete superiority, and practically beg you to be friends with them again.
  3. Your degree is more important than chores. Never forget that doing that Business Studies and Basketweaving degree is your lifelong dream, and you need to spend every waking minute concentrating on it, or relaxing; you can't possibly be expected to spend time on silly little things like washing up, or cleaning the house. If you do end up washing up, be sure to do as bad a job as possible, hopefully they won't ask you again. If you're very lucky, one of them might even do some of your laundry for you! If you've managed all the steps so far, you're well on the way to being the most popular guy/girl around.
  4. Your tastes are the only right options. You have way better taste than these guys. Take TV for instance. I mean, come on, they probably watch Countdown or something. Make sure you help them out by talking loudly over anything on TV they want to watch, but discourage them from talking over any of your favourite soaps — you've been working hard, harder than any of them, and you need that hour or so of escapism of an evening, before your cup of cocoa and bed. If they talk over the soaps, just be as disapproving as you can; don't worry, you are genuinely so much better than them, you'll be able to pull it off with ease.
  5. Variety is the spice of life. So, just because you've bought the cheapest coffee Aldi could sell you, don't let this stop you using someone else's Nescafe whenever you fancy a brew. Just let them know they're welcome to try your Aldi stuff any time, and it tastes just the same anyway, so what's the difference? Don't forget, this applies to all food and drink, not just coffee!
  6. Eww, rubbish! You're a cool dude, or dudette. Don't let anyone think you're the kind of person who would do stuff like empty the bin, or take the wheely bins to the street for collection. I mean, do they not have, like, maids for that? Bins are gross! (But, if you get any hostility on this one, just spend all day in your pyjamas/slippers — noone could possibly expect you to go outside then...)
  7. Shower and shower alike. Don't you just hate it when you get into the shower, and find you've run out of shower gel or shampoo? Well, sharing a house means this need never happen again! Just borrow someone else's, they won't mind — in fact, they'll totally understand! While you're there, be sure to leave the sopping wet mat on the floor afterwards; no doubt since your housemates are such slackers they'll have plenty time to pick it up when they're cleaning the bathroom later on. (Don't ever be tempted to do this yourself — what would people think!?)
  8. Going out. If you've been following all the advice so far, you'll be pretty damn popular. People are going to want you to go out and socialise with them all the time. But remember! If you give in to their demands too often, they might start to take your greatness for granted, and we can't have that. Try to limit yourself to going out with your housemates no more than once in a fortnight — that way they'll appreciate it all the more. If you have friends visiting from elsewhere, it might be convenient for you to make your rare trips out with your housemates coincide with seeing your other friends, too; think of it as making the best use of your incredibly valuable time and company! Don't worry about introducing any of your groups of friends to one another though, just get everyone together in one place and they'll get on fine — after all, if they're friends with someone as great as you, they must be great people too, right?

I hope you've enjoyed these top tips for student life! Good luck surviving the angry mob, around October or so.

Posted by James at 17:08 | Comments (2) | TrackBack
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April 19, 2006

"Football, innit, wot syndrome" syndrome

I have very diverse social circles. But among some of my friends, there is this tendency to want to show disdain for something purely on the basis of popularity. The general MO is to see that something is popular, not make any effort to understand the thing in question, and at every opportunity criticise the thing, and all those who are interested in it. In particular, it is very popular to associate being a football fan with stupidity, racism, violence, or anything else bad, really.

Can someone explain to me why this is? JCM, I'm looking at you in particular, though you're far from alone. Just what the hell does football have to do with voting BNP?

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April 04, 2006

Update

It just occurred to me I've not posted since I talked about going abseiling — so this post is just to let people know that

  1. I survived it,
  2. I'm still collecting the sponsorship money, and retrospective sponsorship is welcome,
  3. and if I collect everything pledged so far, I'll have raised £323.34 for Cancer Research UK

And now, back to writing a new website for my brother's pub.

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January 31, 2006

Four Things

This meme seems not to want to lie down and die, so, given it now has some credibility after Anil posted it, I caved in.

Four jobs I've had

Four films I can watch over and over again

Four places I've lived
(Actually, I can only think of 3)

Four TV shows I love

Four highly regarded and recommended TV shows I've never seen more than a few minutes of

Four places I've visited

Four of my favourite dishes

Four sites I visit daily

Four places I would rather be right now
I'll ignore the fact it's nearly 1am, shall I?

Four more bloggers I'm tagging, even though I know some of them won't do it

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January 03, 2006

Contactability

Oops. The mail server which handles my main email account, which also happens to provide DNS for jimbo.org.uk, died a little before 2pm today. I should be able to bring it back on Friday some time, but until then, anyone wanting to contact me should try my gmail address, jimbo.green @ gmail.com, or something more old fashioned like the telephone.

My vague understanding of DNS suggests that this site should remain reachable, because there are secondary DNS servers available, but there might be delays if you try to contact the dead one first. Sorry about that!

[Update: everything seems to be back online.]

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December 31, 2005

Year in review

At the start of this year, I made some resolutions. I even reviewed my miserable progress with them back in July. So, the burning question, as the year end draws near... how did I do?

To get a bit fitter.
Oh well, there's always next year, eh? My indulgent, sedentary lifestyle continues to take its toll.
To drink less.
Working in a pub hasn't helped here. Still, now I have something to blame, in the form of our ongoing drink-sodden Armageddon. Ahem. Strictly the resolution was actually to drink less beer, mind, and I've achieved this by developing a taste for bacardi and coke...
Cook more often, and more interestingly.
Actually, since moving into my current shared house, I think I've done this, to some extent. Not as much as I planned, but a bit. I'm claiming this one as done.
To do more OpenGuides stuff.
The Open Guide to Nottingham now has around 600 pages, which is something. Still haven't unleashed my rusty perl-kludging skills on the code at all, though. Half a point.
Get out of (bad) debt.
Ha. Ahahahaha. Not as such.
Decide what to do with my life after university.
I'm pretty certain I want to run a pub, eventually, as many (read: all 5) of my readers already know. I don't think I'm ready to do it straight from uni, though, financially or personally, so I need an interim plan. It's vaguely there, but not concrete. Half a point again.
Work harder at uni, and get a reasonable degree.
Well, I'm pretty much on course for a 2:2 whatever happens now; not really what I wanted, but it's what I seem to be getting. Given I averaged a third last year I might be generous and take half a point on this one.
Blog more interesting stuff, not just tedious resolutions and progress reports.
I'm writing this aren't I? On the other hand I seem to be getting more hits now than I was before, so I think I'm going to arrogantly claim this one as achieved. I need all the marks I can get at this point...

2 done, and 3 half-done, out of 8. It's better than nothing, right?

This year I've started going to watch live bands on a semi-regular basis, as well as discovered a bunch of bands I like that I hadn't heard of, which I might get round to doing a separate entry on. I've been more political than ever before, leafletting for the Lib Dems during the election, and corresponding a few times with my local (Labour) MP. I've seen a record number of my friends (including the first of my school friends) get married, and some of my friends even went so far as to reproduce. And of course, I'm now just 6 months away from stopping being a student, and needing to join the real world. Eek!

Next year, I won't be doing "resolutions" as such, so don't worry, you won't have to slog through this drivel again. ;-) Here's wishing you all a happy and prosperous 2006!

Posted by James at 14:45 | Comments (1) | TrackBack
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July 01, 2005

Totally the opposite of progress

Gosh, is 2005 halfway done already? Amazing how time flies when you're having fun.

As astute readers may remember, 6 months ago tomorrow (yes, I was a day late), I made a bunch of resolutions for the coming year. As threatened, I'm going to review how I'm getting on with them.

  1. Get fitter. I have made absolutely no progress on this, although when I had my blood pressure taken recently it was normal, rather than the high end of the safe range, and I did walk up Snowdon not so long ago. So, maybe marginal progress.
  2. Drink less beer. Utterly failed. Summer is going well on this score, though, since I'm working far too much to drink heavily. I mostly only drink beer if my boss is paying, now. September will be the real test on this score though — will I start again when term begins and I'm not working 7 nights a week?
  3. Cook more. I now subscribe to some cooking blogs, and am maintaining some recipe bookmarks. I've cooked a few new things, and been taught some Turkish recipes, so maybe I'm getting somewhere on this. I still eat a lot of takeout, ready meals and stuff thrown under the grill, though.
  4. OpenGuides stuff. Well, OGN has doubled its page count, and I've submitted a wishlist bug to rt.cpan.org that I intend to have a go at implementing some time. I haven't actually done anything yet, though. Still, some progress, I suppose.
  5. Clear some debts. Not doing too well on this one...
  6. Decide what to do with my life. Not really sure on this one — I have some ideas of what I might want to do, but nothing concrete I definitely want to end up doing. Still, definite progress here.
  7. Get a degree. I averaged a 3rd last year, overall. This is totally the opposite of progress.
  8. Blog better. I like to think I've been putting more interesting stuff on here than before, with the exception of posts like this one, but you're welcome to disagree; if you do, please say so! I have no ego to puncture.

So. Marginal progress on 5/8 and complete failure on 3. Life could be worse. Somewhat foolishly, I'm not going to revise the targets at all, I'm just going to try get a lot further with them in the next 6 months than the last...

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June 14, 2005

Random notes

If I wait until I have a full entry to write, I'll write nothing. Much as you'd all prefer that, here's the alternative:

Which might explain why I'm sat here writing drivel at 2.30am, instead of sleeping. Oops!

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May 13, 2005

Gypsy asylum seeker terrorists

Apparently, to apply for a passport in the UK, you need to get 2 identical photographs (so no using those machines that take 4 shots in succession...) of yourself signed by either "a professional person", or someone "of standing in the community", who has known you for 2 or more years. Oh, and they need to sign your form too. For bonus awkwardness points, I can't be related to the person, even as an in-law, nor in a relationship with or living in the same house as them.

Of course, if I was the sort of criminal that wanted to get a dodgy fake passport, I'm sure I could get one of my friends to lie that they'd known me for a bit longer than they have; it's only inconvenient because I'm not willing to break the law. Great security measure there, guys! I'm sure that'll foil those evil arab gypsy asylum seeker terrorists who've come to steal our women/jobs.

Oh, and if you lose your passport, you need to report this to your local police station, however big a waste of your time and theirs you may feel this is.

In other news, if I can get a passport before then, I'm going on holiday on June 2nd! If I can't, I'm, er, not. Tumtetum.

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April 01, 2005

Glueless structures

Some quickfire content today, since I can't think of anything humourous to fool you all with.

Happy (mailman, white rabbits, April Fools, 1/4 of the year already gone) day, folks!

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March 27, 2005

8 people I've never met

Woohoo! We won! 8 people I've never met connected with an institution that threw me out almost 2 years ago rowed a few miles up the Thames quicker than 8 more people I've never met!

Truly this is a day for much jubilation. Go blues! Whichever shade I mean! Yeah!

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February 09, 2005

Three times is enemy action

So, my housemate's girlfriend's housemate (did you follow that?) turns out to have the same birthday as my Dad. Fair enough, not an entirely unheard of coincidence, 4 people in every 14611 share that birthday. But then I discover that her dad has the same birthday as me!

Freaky.

1 assuming a uniform distribution, yadda yadda.

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January 02, 2005

2005 Resolutions

If I blogged any resolutions this time last year, it was back before I switched to using MT on a hosted machine, and I no longer have any record of it. So, I can't really say whether I've managed to keep them or not. It seems unlikely, though; I couldn't have projected my life would be as it is today, then, I don't think!

So, resolutions. I realise I'm a little late to the party with these, but I think it might be a good idea for me to make some, and then next year I can review them and see how I've done. Some of them are moderate lifestyle changes, some are goals I want to achieve.

  1. Get fitter. At the moment I am unhealthily overweight, and should do something about this. Resolution 2 may help with this, as might taking up cycling to lectures come the warmer months.
  2. Drink less beer. Just because somebody in my house is going to be going out drinking on any given night, this does not mean I need to go with them. It is acceptable to stay in occasionally, or to go out but not drink. Really.
  3. Cook more. Lately, my cooking has been limited to simple pasta/sauce(/meat) combos, things on toast, and ready meals. I could do more, but never get around to it, mostly because it's not often worth cooking for one. Better coordination of eating plans with housemates is called for, I think. This could also mean less takeaway, which could help with resolution #1.
  4. Get involved properly with at least one open source project. This probably means getting back into perl and doing stuff with OpenGuides, fixing problems rather than merely pointing them out; relatedly, I'd also like to crack on with making the Open Guide to Nottingham more useful and used than it is today — 250 pages just aren't enough to get random people hooked.
  5. Clear all my debts other than my overdraft and student loan. Note that it is acceptable to have credit card debt if and only if my overdraft limit would cover paying it off instantly.
  6. Get a life. This time in 2006, I want to know what I'm hoping to do when I finish at uni, or at least have a (reasonably short!) list of ideas, which aren't too vague.
  7. Get a degree. I've been working less hard at uni this semester so far, and this needs to stop right now. I got a good mark in the first year which doesn't count at all towards my degree (except for progression to the second year), and it would be silly to then scrape along and get a rubbish result overall through laziness.
  8. Blog better. I'd like to post more interesting, original content here, instead of these tedious resolutions, or the usual random linkage. I guess I'll have to somehow allow anonymous reader-assessment on this one, huh?

I think all of these are achievable individually; whether I'll achieve them all, of course, remains to be seen. Maybe I'll revisit them at the halfway point and revise my goals, according to my progress, or something.

[Update: it's been pointed out that these resolutions make my priorities look a bit skewed; I should point out that they're in no particular order, and not even close to all being of equal importance...]

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December 26, 2004

I'm an evil criminal

[Some of you already know this story. I'm recording it here for the sake of the people who don't, and so people who know part of it can have the complete picture. Also it gives me somewhere to point people.]

I'm sure this comes as news to nobody; I mean, most people reading this have probably broken some law at some point — either some minor misdemeanour, such as speeding, or maybe experimenting with drugs in their youth, or something more major like losing the password for an encrypted file, the mark of a true terrorist. But no, I actually got caught in the act, by a carefully orchestrated police sting.

See, a couple of weeks ago, I was caught selling alcohol to a minor. In a carefully planned police operation, 18 bars in Nottingham's city centre were visited on a busy Saturday night, by 4 minors accompanied by plainclothes police officers. In 10, the minor managed to get in (in many cases past door staff), and to get served alcohol. Including at Number 10, the high class establishment (*cough*) I currently work in. In fact, I served him.

3 hours later, they came back and told me what had happened, and the possible consequences: if they chose to prosecute, I could face a fine in the region of £200, and a criminal record. My boss (as licensee) could have lost her licence, although it being a first offence was more likely to get a fine somewhere between £1500 and £20,000 — this despite not even being on the premises at the time. A few days later we (and all the other evil perps) had to report to the city's main police station, and as it happens she only got a caution, which I believe remains on her record for 6 months. I got an £80 fixed penalty notice, which presents me with two choices: I can pay the penalty, never need to admit guilt, and go on with my life; or, I can refuse to pay, and demand my day in court. This latter approach risks a much larger fine, a criminal record, and loads more hassle. It's a no-brainer.

It appears there is no defence of entrapment in UK law, if it seems that the suspect was not coerced into doing something they would not normally do. It also appears that, under the Licensing (Young Persons) Act, 2000, and therefore section 169A of the 1964 Licensing Act, what I did is certainly illegal. It's not entirely clear whether or not I had a defence under section 169A(2), but it's a slim enough chance that I wasn't about to demand my day in court.

Ironically, the reason I'm going to be more careful in the future isn't really the risk of further fines, or penalty notices; while obviously I'd rather not have to pay them, I could probably work something out, or get bailed out by my parents. But if it happens again, my boss would lose her licence; that would really, really suck, because she's lovely, and the only reason I'm still working in that crappy pub. So since the incident, I've been ruthlessly asking for ID from anyone looking under 21. Please, if you get asked in a pub somewhere, don't be offended; we're just in fear for our wallets, and our bosses' licences.

Meanwhile, your recommended reading for today is Barlow being far less cowardly with the law than I.

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December 24, 2004

Decaffeination

Today, I am mostly drinking decaffeinated coffee. It's actually quite nice (I managed to buy my usual brand — in fact, this was the only 5065 coffee the shop had) but the headaches are starting already. Yay addiction. Guess I'll start on the beer later.

Enjoy the festive season, whatever you choose to spend it doing, folks! I'll be mostly spending it playing another silly online game I think, although my portfolio's all tied up in HOGMANAY at the moment...

(One administrative detail: I realise my LJ feed probably exploded messily all over people's friends-pages. Sorry. This was caused by the upgrade to MT3, meaning I had to rebuild all the feed files. Feeds should now be full text, though!)

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